AN ODE TO COSTCO ROTISSERIE CHICKEN

A roast chicken at my local Costco costs 5 dollars. Let's be clear - this product is not an ethical way to consume chicken. There have been numerous articles by qualified investigative journalists involving hidden cameras, lawsuits, and unhealthy treatment of their birds over the years. I in no way want to undermine their important work. I struggle with the idea of ethical consumption daily, and this post is my approach to consuming chicken.

Just look at that bird - it barely fits in the box!

AN ETHICAL DILEMMA

If you want to treat chickens with respect in the United States, you are at a crossroads: you can raise them (ethically) yourself, pay a premium to somebody else (who did), not eat them at all (go vegetarian), or compromise on your values in the face of capitalism (my choice). If you think there's a fifth option not listed here, we probably have different definitions of ‘ethical consumption.’

Personally, I don't lose sleep over this moral compromise. My wife has told me stories of her own experiences raising chickens, and of broiler chickens specifically. Every breed is different, but raising broiler chickens depressed her. 

Broilers have been bred for one purpose, to the point that they aren't really that interested in actually being a living creature. While most breeds will play, explore, wander around, relax in the sun, or do other chicken stuff, broilers want to eat. That's about it. They'll eat until they're too fat to move. They're usually slaughtered at 14 weeks, so they don't live long enough to have major health issues due to this lifestyle. Costco chickens are genetically modified beyond your standard broiler to be particularly enormous; visitors from other countries will remark on how there's no way they could just be regular chickens - they're too big. 

It's worth noting here that Costco doesn't make a profit on their birds - they couldn't, at the price they sell - they instead use them as a hook to pull in and retain members. They know that their customers think about those cheap and enormous chickens every time their membership card needs to be renewed.

To summarize, the idea of these chickens is kind of gross, but also exceedingly economical - if you're going to consume an land-animal protein with minimal suffering per dollar per pound, they're among your best options. Other stores sell (equally unethical) smaller birds for more money. Given all that, I would rather support Costco than, say, Tyson. 

Every so often I'll pick up a Costco chicken. Because as unethical as buying (any chicken at modern American grocery stores) can be, Costco chickens are a wonder. So let's dive into making the most of this ethically dubious purchase.

DAY 1 - BRINGING THE BIRD HOME

Wonderful smells. Delicate meat that falls off the bone. A ridiculously simple day for meal prep - you can spend the evening doing something fun, productive, or relaxing. 

Food prep doesn't really need much elaboration, just figure something out to round out the meal - you're looking for vegetables. Make a salad, or prep something like lima beans or steamed vegetables, and call it a day. A sheet pan roast works well here too. Everybody can have their preferred piece of chicken, dark or light meat. Celebrate the bird - think about Thanksgiving on a smaller scale, brought to you by capitalism and the American way. Various world cultures celebrate death with a party - a funeral without the morose decorum of western civilization. Costco chickens find little enough joy in life, but can still be honored through conscious thanks in their death.

DAY 2-3 - EASY MEALS FOR DAYS

In my own household of two people, there's still plenty of chicken left on day 2 or 3. This is the time for chicken sandwiches, quesadillas, or for low-effort fajitas. Start thinking about what you're going to do with that tasty stock once there's nothing left but bones.

My wife is partial to a chicken sandwich here - a bit of avocado perhaps, some lettuce, cheese, and a few slices of cheddar cheese - all tucked between a few slices of home-baked sourdough.

I'm more likely to snack on a chunk of chicken, grabbing a leg or wing as a snack when I walk past the fridge. 

Sometimes I'll make a pie instead - some celery, mushrooms, flour and milk as a base, with frozen peas and chicken thrown into the mix as I tip it all into a crust. Such things don't require a full bird - you can stretch a couple pieces this way to make a vegetable-forward confection that still packs plenty of carnivorous flavor.

DAY 4 - SOUP TIME

Day 4 (or 5, or 6) approaches the line for how long that tasty bird (or what's left of it) will still be good to eat. It's the point where I break down the bird - I dice up any remaining breast meat, and I separate light and dark meat into containers - my wife prefers the former while I prefer the latter. 

This is usually a snack-forward practice wherein I scarf anything that "looks too weird" to serve others. I'm that guy who will dig out and devour all the unmentionable chunks that aren't quite "meat" but aren't crunchy enough to be "gristle" either. This includes the kidneys, tucked in near the thighs in a hollow beside the spine. 

Once I've removed anything conceivably edible, including the crispiest and most delicious bits of skin, I toss the carcass - bits of skin, bones, etc (it's all delicious) into our instant pot. I tip in the bits of gelatinous goop as well - it's all flavor. 

There are a million recipes for stock online, you don't need another one. Think about what recipe you're going to use chicken stock for - for me it's usually something like a Chicken Tortilla Soup - I'll update this in the future with a recipe for that.

The soup ingredients can drive your stock add-ins, and will open up the ugly/weird/inedible parts of the vegetables for your stock. If you're making a soup with carrots, dice up the carrots (for the soup) and put the (otherwise discarded) carrot end into the stock pot. Same goes for the ends of your onions. Vegetable discards won't get you everything you need, but they'll give you a good base. You'll probably need to throw in half a carrot, half an onion, some bay leaves, some thyme if you've got it, salt and pepper. Use a recipe if you aren't sure, or experiment with something new. Ginger is a fun (and distinctive) herb to throw into a stock.

If you aren't ready to make a stock immediately, you can also save the carcass for a future soup - bag it, label it, and stick it in the freezer for later.

THE LAST BITES

Following a pattern like this one, I feel good about my Costco chicken experience. Meals for several days, with every part of it - bones and all - put to use; it feels like a respectful way to treat an animal that society has deemed unworthy of love.

It isn't a vegetarian mindset, but I'm also not a vegetarian - it's an ethical compromise I make in an unethically consumerist world. It's delicious. It won't change the world, but it helps me sleep a bit better (with a stomach full of chicken) some nights.