A RANT ABOUT THE NEWS

“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.”

― H.P. Lovecraft


INFORMATION HURTS

Knowledge gained can be a painful thing - it necessitates personal scrutiny, highlights our own limitations, and reminds us with each new thing we learn that we were lesser before learning it. 

Good news robs us of possibility; you got the raise you wanted, but now you have one less thing to look forward to in your career. It's been said that the worst thing than can happen to a man is to get everything they ever wanted - where is there to go from that point? Bad news is more evidently hurtful - at best it means that work must be done to avoid calamity, and at worst that such a calamity is unavoidable.

I've been thinking about the news a lot lately. I don't watch TV, but I follow a handful of daily news-based podcasts - mostly stuff from NPR, ABC's 538, Vox, The Verge, Axios, and The Guardian. Of those, I lean most heavily on the first and last, and check both webpages a few times a day. My sources all skew moderate-to-liberal, but they also report factual data rather than the trash on Fox. 

It's a depressing echo-chamber though, and not just because of their liberal bias; it feels as though I'm watching the implacable decline of the free world to forces that cannot be properly considered, let alone defeated.

The ever-faster decline of the Amazon rainforest, by people desperate to improve their stations in life at the cost of vegetation that takes generations to grow. As a planet, we're losing complex ecosystems faster than we're able to catalogue them. For what? Beef? Mining? Money? Ephemeral, useless gains we use as justification to perpetuate ecological rape. It's happening half a world away, but still has disheartening ties to the food I eat and the products I buy.

The slowly unwinding horrors of wars that are new in my life, both in Ukraine and in Gaza. "The war in Iraq" was a regular part of my childhood, and felt as though it would last forever at the time. Now in my adulthood, it seems like the seats have changed on a bus that's still trundling merrily along. "Terrorist" is a word that has lost all meaning. My own country is supplying weapons to Israel where they're used to murder civilians in Gaza. That might be semantically inaccurate - murder doesn't strictly apply during wartimes. But it's substantially accurate, in that innocent people are dying, killed by weapons, fired by other people who hate them. At the same time, we're scaling back and bickering over support for Ukraine, a democratic country under attack by one of our historically oldest sociopolitical enemies, Russia. How does a regular person begin to combat something like that?

The self-serving political system within the United States that keeps a small handful of influential people in power long after their effective usefulness to the people they served has run its course. We're a nation of more than 300 million people, but we're regularly presented with the same aging handful of established (house, senate, etc.) political candidates, forced every few years to choose the lesser evil in yet another existential race. We have a Democrat in charge at the moment - and honestly I don't think he's doing an awful job - but that hasn't stopped the decline of women's bodily autonomy, brought sanity to the inhumane treatment of immigrants to our country, or brought our climate aspirations any closer to reality. We're looking at a collapse of ocean currents with devastating ramifications for life on earth.

The constant funneling of resources from ever-emptier pockets into the hands of a new capitalist royal class. People (you can guess who) are making millions of dollars an hour, while educators are resorting to sex work - not out of choice - but to pay for school supplies or pay their college loans. Jobs that pay for an agreeable wage are disappearing, or are being outsourced to countries that put up nets to prevent employee suicides. We used to have an economic framework in the United States that supported the idea of a single income that would pay for a family of dependents, but that framework is substantially dead.


KNOWING IS DEPRESSING

I wouldn't know about such things if I wasn't regularly consuming the news. It doesn't make me happier to know that China is still committing genocide against Uighurs. It doesn't "spark joy" to learn that a new small desert country is being manipulated into something against their best interests by corrupt leadership.

 
That information - that knowledge - is painful. It makes me feel powerless, tired, and overwhelmed. It throws the vitriolic response to climate science into stark, relatable relief. After all, who wouldn't rather live in a world where the oceans weren't rising, the ice caps weren't melting, and where the biomass of wild animals globally wasn't less than 6 pounds per human?

"Clearly that's wrong - otherwise it would be horrible! Clearly that train isn't coming down the track we're parked on, otherwise we'd need to move the car! So Fuck you, keep your hands off my cheeseburgers and my big trucks. Keep your brown people out of my country and let them drown in their own problems! It's more important that my life goes smoothly, certainly, than that people of the future have lives at all."

It's the sort of irrational, infuriating cacophony of ignorance that has led to the stoning of intellectuals through history, be they astronomers with new ideas about cosmic geometry, writers who refused to be silenced in the face of religious pressures, or women - branded witches - cursed only with the courage and gall to treat those who came seeking their aid. It's the song of of ignorant hate in defense of what was, what we used to have, and the rejection of what the future might be.

Belief in an existential problem requires action to avoid it. Without that action, there's no belief in the problem. A society that collectively refuses to take action against an existential threat must therefore not believe that the threat is existential. The civilized world, as a collective, doesn't believe that global warming poses an existential threat. 

I'm no better - if I were, I'd spend all my time and energy combating climate change. I'd quit my job, I'd campaign against the plastic and oil industries, I'd stop buying clothing that was made without care for the environment, and I'd be less of a hypocrite. But I like soft materials, fresh food, internet access, and the other various comforts my participation in the climate apocalypse affords me. All that said, at least I'm aware of that participation. I can write about it. A few people might read about it.

New York Daily News, c 1888

ACCESS TO INFORMATION IS OF EXISTENTIAL IMPORTANCE

The news, however painful, is critical. Knowing what's going on is the only way to make informed choices when wielding what power we as citizens of the world still can. In the United States, that power is through voting and political action. In other parts of the world, it's through taking up arms against your own militarized police force. Action without information is guided by the hands of whoever's already in power, for reasons unknown. Correct action hinges on real, true information, and folks in power don't want that information to be out in the world.

I opened this post with a quote from HP Lovecraft. He was a racist, bigoted asshole, but I also believe his fiction was decades ahead of his time, and I'm immensely grateful that his writing is freely available to me today. Should his writings be banned because of his disgusting and racist opinions? Absolutely not, though I'm sure that hard-liner religious folks would disagree. We are talking about the father of the Cthulhu Mythos after all, full of elder gods and dark sacrifices. The quote I sampled was intended to hint at maddening knowledge of secrets at the edge of our perception, but I'm using it here to draw a distinction between the pain and chaos of knowledge as compared to the relative peace of ignorance. 

We live in an age when censorship is being wielded like a political cudgel to keep the minds of the underprivileged ignorant of their place in the world. There's a clear and obvious reason that conservative voices smear the "fake news media" as though it were butter on toast. If you want to control a population, one of the best ways to do it is to take away their understanding of what's real.

In the face of ignorance, the strongest weapon we as people of the world have is education. A free press. Access to knowledge of the world around us, painful and horrific and repulsive as it might be. Every book that's banned, every URL that's flagged as inappropriate, every topic viewed as unsafe to discuss in mixed company, is a piece of wisdom denied to future generations.

So as painful as it is to know what's going on, read. Check sources. Support free journalism. Support your local library. Keep books in schools. Keep the internet free and open. Talk about it. Write about it. Share it on social media. Participate in the organized opposition of those who seek to silence young voices. Seek out the translated works of writers with whom you don't share a language. 

It hurts. It keeps you up at night. You should probably get a therapist so you don't end up raving on the streets, because the world is a dark place sometimes. Spend time with people you love. Give people (but not organizations) the benefit of a doubt. Go outside. Try new things. Whatever helps you to balance the horror around you. Then, when you're ready, keep reading.

It's easier, and emotionally cheaper, to watch TV.  Board rooms full of executives have focus-grouped a wide array of palliatives to keep you comfortable on the couch. That way lies the slow and peaceful death of truth in a new dark age, but you do you.

KIWI, TOMATO, AND AVOCADO PANCAKE SALSA

I'll admit it - this is barely a recipe. It's really mostly just a tasty way to use up extra kiwis and to salvage half of an old avocado. Sue me. Or better - don't.

OVERVIEW

Prep - Quick, less than 10 minutes

Cook  - Cooking is not part of this recipe. Pancakes are quick though, and there's a link for them (not mine) in the first note, below.

Serves - 1-2, as a topping piled on pancakes

You'll need - A kiwi, a tomato, half an avocado, salt and pepper

RECIPE

Grab your cutting board, and dice up half an avocado - or in my case, whatever portion of the avocado is still good when you get around to eating it. You're looking for small cubes - about half a centimeter, or whatever you can keep consistent. Push it over to the side of your cutting board, there's no need to dirty up a bunch of bowls for this.

Once the avocado is diced, peel a kiwi (the fruit, not the bird, you monster) and then dice it into similar sized cubes. Mix the kiwi and avocado together a bit on the cutting board; the acid in the kiwi will keep the avocado from turning brown. Acidulants are magic!

Next up, dice the tomato. I used a Kumato (see NOTES below) but any medium-sized tomato will work fine for this; you can also use a handful of cherry tomatoes. Whatever you can dice into small chunks is fine. Mix it all up on the cutting board, add a bit of salt (not much, you'll add more later) and pepper, and you're ready to roll. 

When you put it on your pancakes, add a bit more salt - this is a hack to reduce your overall seasoning, since you'll mostly only taste what's on the surface of a given bite, it makes more sense to "under-season" the mixed-up salsa.

Pile it on to your pancakes (or dip chips in it I guess, you do you) and enjoy.

NOTES

But... why? What's wrong with syrup? Nothing! My wife makes excellent sourdough pancakes. I don't have her recipe - but it's probably a lot like this one. She also mixes up whip cream to go with 'em, and they're delicious. That said, I'm not really that into the idea of "dessert for breakfast" that classic "American pancakes with syrup" kind of implies. Instead, I usually make up a savory pancake topping. 

Peeling a kiwi. I find that it's easiest to peel a kiwi by cutting off a short side, and putting the fruit cut-side down on the board for the rest of the process, slicing along the skin in downward cuts along the length of the fruit, working your way along. Then cut the skin squarely off the top. If you miss some skin, don't worry about it - the skin is totally edible and good for you, it's just also hairy and kinda off-putting.

Kumato? Kumatos are not new. They're a hybrid tomato owned by a Swiss company called Sygenta and will probably never be sold as seeds to the general public. This person likes them. This person does not. Both of those opinions were written in 2011; neither's really wrong. I've found them to be tastier than your average grocery-store tomato, and therefore a solid option when you can't grow your own tomatoes, or pick them up at a farmer's market. For the record, the best tomatoes you'll ever eat are the ones from your own garden.

PLAY TURNIP BOY COMMITS TAX EVASION

I ignored this game when it released in 2021 - which was probably a mistake. It would have been a cheerful diversion from Covid lockdown. As it is, I picked it up on a PS5 sale recently, and finished it over the course of a couple evenings. According to my console, it took me 4 hours to hit 100% completion - at least the last hour of that was spent picking up the last couple trophies/achievements.

THE SEED

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion is a top-down puzzly hack-n-slash game in the style of old-school Zelda games. It's also kind of gorgeous, in a pixelated, soft, painterly way. If you're terrible at those sorts of games, take heart! There's a "god mode" difficulty option just for you! 

As one can surmise, you play as Turnip Boy - an anthropomorphized turnip - a man of few words. The titular Tax Evasion takes place within the first seconds of the game, when you the player tear apart your overdue tax notice - mutely calling out a "fuck the system" that you'll continue to embody throughout the game. There's corruption afoot, and that corruption will wilt beneath your beady-eyed, vacant stare of justice.

That said, you need to get powerful first. Starting off, your only ability is to trip and fall over. For most of the game, you're performing errands for the mayor of your vegetable town, since you owe lots of unpaid taxes. You're an efficient but objectively terrible assistant, driven by a problem with authority you can only express through violence.

THE FIBROUS CRUNCH

You quickly find a weapon and a watering bucket, the two tools that you'll use most through the game's puzzling and hack-n-slashery. There are other abilities you'll learn, but most of the mechanics relate to watering plants and/or poking things with your weapon.

You also rip up documents. All the documents. You can't not rip up documents. Some of them aren't really bad documents, either. But you rip them up anyway. I was (much like said documents) a bit torn over this. Extending that sad pun a bit further, it seems plausible that your character isn't "Turnip Boy" at all - but "Torn-up" Boy ...since you to rip up so many documents. ...I'll move on.

TBCTE was a surprisingly deep game - I didn't really expect the tax evasion element to foreshadow anything, but it does. I didn't really expect the simplistic nature of many NPCs to foreshadow anything, but it does. There's a sinister mystery behind the game's placid town, and a history that the game repeatedly hints at in ways that only make sense toward the end. I don't want to spoil them here.

THE SATISFYINGLY NUTRITIOUS FINISH

There's a surprising number of things to do when the game is complete. There's a feline advisor who will help you find any missing (unshredded) documents. There's a sort of secondary boss battle at the end, unlocked only when you've found all those documents. There's also a cool train that serves as a sort of "infinite battle" system, with its own boss (and secondary boss) contained within it. There are many hats.

Even so, I sort of wish that TBCTE had been a bit longer; it would have been neat to see a couple more areas/bosses squeezed into the middle of the game to stretch it out a bit. I don't often say that, but the game definitely wrapped up before I was quite ready to say goodbye. That's hardly a bad thing to say about an indie game though; mostly it means that I'll be keeping an eye on Snoozy Kazoo to see what their next game looks like. I'll definitely check it out.

I give Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion nine compulsively-ripped-government-documents out of ten.

HOW I (ENDEAVOR TO) EAT

My aim here is to codify my own approach to healthy(ish) eating here. It's also a sort of how-to guide for anyone who wants some ideas about improving their diet. If that's the sort of thing you'd like to read about, read on!

A BIT ABOUT ME

I am lucky - I don't have any allergies, intolerances, or conditions that affect my diet. My blood sugar, cholesterol, and various other levels are all fine. My dietary concerns, therefore, are entirely focused around my own happiness.

I want to feel good about the way I look. I want to have enough energy to move around easily, and to exist happily in the world. I want my body to age well, so that I'm still able to move with painless joints in my later years. I want my organs to function effectively for the foreseeable future.

I'm average-to-tall as white American men go, standing just a hair under 6 feet tall. Most of my hobbies (gaming, music, reading, etc) are sedentary - I'm not particularly muscular and don't really exercise as often as I would like. Walking, swimming, and hiking are my only “active” passions; I also like to ski, but don't get to do it every year. In 2024 I started playing disc golf once a month or so.

For the last decade or so, my weight has been something I've monitored and tracked. At my heaviest, I was 225 pounds. On a purely vain level I didn't like the way my face looked - more doughy than I wanted to see in the mirror. I started to see older folks around me with knee and back problems, which were complicated by carrying extra weight around for decades. I started to make changes after that - those problems did not look fun, or cheap.

I'm currently around 185 pounds, and my “goal weight” is to bring that down to around 170. Sometimes I do intermittent fasting, mostly on Mondays, since they suck anyway. Other times I down 4 ciders whilst gaming with my friends online. On the balance, it's working for me so far. There are ups and downs, and I don't want to give the impression that I follow this 100%. The point of a guiding principle is to have something to strive towards.

I'm not a nutritionist, I'm just documenting what's worked for me so far. If you have a major problem with your diet, and are desperate for a solution to your own eating struggles, seek that help from somebody more qualified - I am not that guy, and don't claim to be.

I'm also privileged enough to be able to afford most foods I might want to eat. If you're not, then some of what follows will sound elitist. Processed food isn't cheaper than fresh, but it does save time. I have time to cook, and I don't have children competing for that time. If you're working two jobs and coming home to a busy house, I'm in no position to judge you for whatever works for you, and I hope that (reading this) it doesn't feel as though I am. We're all doing the best we can from the space we're at, and living different lives the best we're able.

MY SOLUTIONS

I don't have much faith in “easy hacks” to lose weight or feel healthier. I take a “1 a day” multivitamin a few times a week (when I remember) but don't know that it actually does anything for me. That's all the supplement advice you'll see here. Genetic caveats aside, weight is a function of calories in and calories out. Ingest fewer or (better) burn more, and you'll lose weight. Since I don't really want to spend lots of time exercising, I have found it easier to focus on the calories I'm consuming; I'm not counting those calories directly, but I'm making sure they're all deliberate.

I have tried to focus that intentional eating on the rules that Michael Pollan coined: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. I use that very basic advice as a guide - it isn't perfect, but nothing is. Eventually I'll read one of Pollan's books, and when I do I will probably write up a review on this blog. For now, I'll just run with those words as I interpret them.

Still Life with a White Mug, c. 1764

EAT FOOD

I try to avoid processed foods - not perfectly, but as a goal. I still eat noodles. I still buy sauces. My wife bakes sourdough bread, but I'll still buy burger buns when we need some.

I try to avoid the whole “ready made” frozen food aisle at the grocery store, and recommend that anyone else does the same. Sometimes life is stressful though, and I think it's okay to reach for a frozen pot pie or frozen mac-and-cheese when comfort food is called for.

Food is made to be eaten - that means the logic behind it is focused around taste, nutrition, presentation, preparation, and good vibes. I'm into that. Organic food is even better - you've got some gestures toward pesticides and stuff added in at that point. GMOs aren't something I worry about - GMOs are fine.

Processed food (by contrast) is made to be packed, stored, and heated cheaply and safely - that means cutting corners, hiding fillers, adding preservatives, and wrapping everything in plastic. None of that helps you, the consumer.

I do pretty much all the cooking in my household; my wife is a baking wizard, but I don't really trust her alone with a saucepan or skillet, as she tends to get distracted and leave the room when she's cooking.

I think there's something basically pleasing about turning raw ingredients into something that's a delight to eat. I like to cook, and I also like the old, familiar callous on my index finger that serves as testament to all my vegetable chopping. I believe that if there's no cutting board involved in your typical meal prep, you're probably eating too much processed food.

Look at your meal - Can you list the basic things (without checking a label) that went into it?

• Are they food? Great - you're eating food!
• If you can't list those things, can you at least pronounce the things on the labels that went into it? Not too bad - you're mostly eating food, but you should probably look up those ingredients and should know what they are. Why are they on your plate?
• If you can't pronounce it, you probably shouldn't consume it - it's probably not food. 
  
  

Just to be clear, use your brain for this stuff. If you can't pronounce a particular Thai dish or whatever because you don't speak Thai, that's fine. In this context, I'm talking about stuff like “cellulose,” which refers to food-grade sawdust commonly used as an anti-caking agent in processed food. You don't need that shit. You don't need colorants, or preservatives, or artificial sweeteners, etc. Eat food.

NOT TOO MUCH

This part is somewhat tricky, and depends on your goals. If you're happy with your current weight and diet, skip this. You're rocking it. Good job. If you want to gain weight, eat more. You do you.

If you want to lose weight, you need to pursue a calorie deficit, which means eating fewer calories than you're burning. There's a lot of ways to do that, here's what works for me.

Wear a Fitbit (or similar device) and track your calories burned. I don't count calories, I just avoid excess carbs instead. The Fitbit helps you make an informed decision about how big your meals should be.

Drink a big glass of water before dinner, ideally while you're cooking. Maybe drink two. Most hunger is actually thirst - Americans are chronically dehydrated. Water doesn't have any calories, and occupies space in your stomach. Yay water!

Cook your own food. This fosters a connection between yourself and your diet; it creates a barrier between yourself and unhealthy foods, and ensures that you're portioning your food deliberately.

Portion control is easiest before it gets to your plate. After you cook, split up the food from your pan into plates/bowls (for now/dinner) and a couple containers (for lunch/later). Ideally, find a container small enough that you can't “over portion” your food in it.

I'm fond of these Pyrex Tupperware containers; they don't leak PFAs, don't collect stains, won't melt, and freeze/reheat pretty easily in the oven. The plastic lids last longer if you're gentle with them, they'll be most fragile fresh out of the freezer. Don't heat the lid.

Fuck seconds; exercise restraint. Portioning your food before you eat removes the option of grabbing “seconds” - a second portion is fine for holiday meals, celebrate it on those occasions.

Learn your body, listen to it. Ignore it sometimes. A calorie deficit will leave you hungry sometimes. Get comfortable with that hunger and don't medicate it away. Hunger is your body saying “Hey, if I don't get more calories soon, I'll have to burn up those fat reserves you've been shoring up!” You want that. That's the goal.

If those signals get stronger - if you start to feel weak, if your hands start to shake, if you can't get warm enough - then you're pushing your calorie deficit too far and should eat - try not to go that far next time. Moderation is important here.

Plan your meals out a bit. Grocery shop twice a week. You don't need to cook an elaborate spread every day - try to prepare components that you can re-use the next day, and freeze some leftovers for lazy days.

Soup is great for this. Keep fresh herbs on hand like cilantro (cilantro stems are fine to eat , just mince them), mint, and parsley, and use them liberally. You can get a lot of mileage out of frozen soup portions with fresh herbs or cheese added to serve.

MOSTLY PLANTS

I'm not a vegan - I eat a little of everything (including “weird” stuff, like offal) - but most of the cookbooks I use are vegan. Sometimes I go days at a time eating an unintentional pescatarian diet, with the odd chicken tikka or pepperoni-on-pizza giving lie to actual pescatarianism. I believe that veganism (or near veganism) is healthy and doable, I just don't like the idea of “not eating” certain foods. Foods are tasty, life is short, and I would rather try something delicious than send it back because it has pork in it.

Plan your meals around a central vegetable, or a medley of vegetables. I recommend something in the "broccoli family" as a recurring staple, since they're all healthy, fairly cheap, and keep well in the fridge. Brussels sprouts, broccolini, cabbage, kale, etc. They're also all technically the same species.

Chunky veggies like broccoli, carrots, sprouts, parsnips, squashes, and the like all roast well - you can cut them up into similar sizes and throw them on a sheet pan. They also handle sauces well; you can toss them with marinades the way you would chicken or something.

Leafy veggies fall into two categories - first you've got the sturdier ones like kale, bok choi, and collards that you'll probably want to cook down a bit. You can throw them into a salad or something raw if you shred them first, but I prefer to add them to a soup or to sauté them with some garlic. They play well with onions in a sauté, just start the onions first, and don't cook the greens too long or they'll get bitter. They'll keep in the fridge for a good while.

Our second category of leafy veg includes more delicate plants, ones like arugula, spinach, and lettuces. Personally I'm not that into lettuce - it seems to melt in my fridge before I get a chance to use it, and it doesn't really have the nutritional punch of spinach. But variety is good, and salads can be bomb. Buy these with a purpose in mind, since they'll betray you when you turn your back. They're all good raw, and you don't want to cook them much or they'll turn into bitter slime.

Cabbage is fantastic as a way to bulk up a meal without adding calories to it. Lots of fiber, lots of water, not much else going on. I keep some in my fridge all the time. You can shred it and use it (raw) in place of rice to make takeout Asian food (Thai, Chinese, curries, etc.) healthier. You can also put it in tacos.

Onions and peppers both behave similarly to one another, and I often sauté them together before adding cooked beans for an easy and reusable "Mexican-ish" base. Use that base for breakfast burritos (just add eggs) or to fill quesadillas (add cheese) or enchiladas (add cheese, add more beans, and enchilada sauce). You can also turn it into a chili (add tomatoes, spices, etc.) or use it to bulk up a canned chili for an easy meal.

Beans are your friends. Canned or dried - you can cook dried beans in an instant pot within a couple hours, without pre-soaking them. If you're reading this and thinking “I eat vegetables, but I'm still hungry!” then beans are your answer. Cool Beans is a great book to start with if you're new to working with beans - Rancho Gordo is a great resource in general if you want to try some unique bean options.

Use these suggestions as inspiration and play with them - I hope it helps. Switching my meal planning from a central protein (Chicken and X) to a central vegetable (Sauteed kale and X) has been hugely helpful for me, personally. Throw meat in there sometimes if you like - just try to focus on plants.

When/if you do eat meat, make it a treat. Savor it. Make it an event. Try a neat recipe that excites you. Some critter died to put it on your table, the least you can do in return is to respect and celebrate that life on your table. Make a stock from the bones for a future soup.

MY MORE RADICAL ADVICE, PICK AND CHOOSE THIS STUFF, OR SKIP IT ENTIRELY

Get rid of your microwave. I think this helps. Healthy food doesn't come from a microwave, and almost everything you can cook in a microwave will turn out better if you cook it another way. This also frees up more counter space for kitchen prep. To be fair, I still microwave leftovers for lunch at the office. I'm not a hater, I just chop a lot.

The strongest counter-argument I hear against a low-meat diet is that it can be low on protein. I call that bullshit. Eat lots of beans, nuts, pulses (lentils and such) and you'll have plenty of protein. Eggs are a great protein source, too.

My own go-to protein solution is sardines. I love 'em. I eat about 2-3 cans a week, tossing them into ramen, on toast, into pastas, on sandwiches, etc. You don't need to cook them (I usually just stir them into my portion and let them warm from the other food’s heat) but it's an option if you prefer.

Fasting can be a (direct) way to enforce your calorie consumption, provided you aren't over-eating the next day to compensate for it. I fast sometimes, usually on Mondays. Mondays suck anyway, and are usually busy enough that I don't spend lots of time wishing I had food.

Drink tea. I love tea. I drink 5-6 cups of tea a day - coffee is fine, it just wrecks my GI system, so I can't drink it in those numbers. Green or black tea are both pretty guiltless vices, and caffeinated tea helps to boost your metabolism. I'm particularly partial to Earl Grey. Switch to something decaf (chamomile or mint are good options) after 5pm; you'll sleep better.

Reduce or remove alcohol from your diet. Alcohol is bad for you, and high in calories. It shouldn't be something you consume every day. Two cans of beer have more calories than a slice of pizza - I certainly drink sometimes, but as an occasional celebration. Reducing your intake will also affect your tolerance, making it cheaper (fewer drinks for a given buzz) when you do indulge.

Stop snacking and eat at the table. Snacks (chips, candy, soda, frozen fried stuff) don't need to be something you eat every day. They're not doing anything for you dietarily. If you need to snack, fruits (fiber, vitamins) and nuts (protein) are better options. Popcorn can be pretty harmless too; try an air-popper so you can control the fat you're using - I like to use olive oil instead of butter, but I'll use bacon grease (I'm not a health monster) sometimes if I have it on hand. If you usually eat dinner in front of the TV, try switching to a dinner table instead - my wife suggested this change a few months back and it's worked out well for us since then. You'll eat less that way, and will feel better about your time afterwards.

IN CLOSING

Exceptions are okay. We're all human. This is all a framework that's working for me, but it's also a system I'm using because it allows me to fudge stuff sometimes. I might not (generally) eat much red meat, but that means that it's “okay” for me to have a buttery ribeye once in a while. I will remember that steak for weeks. I might not keep bacon in the fridge all the time, but I'll still cook some up once every couple months, and will reserve the fat for a future cooking project. I'll splurge and get some high-quality bacon when I do.

The main thing is that you're deliberately choosing what and when to eat. That you're eating food. That you're not eating too much. That you're mostly eating plants. When you're not, be kind to yourself. Stay healthy, and talk to your doctor if you need to talk to your doctor.

PLAY ASSASSIN'S CREED: MIRAGE

I've played nearly every major Assassin's Creed game to date - I missed Unity since I didn't own the appropriate console at the time it released, and later (after reading their stance on female characters at the time), I never felt particularly motivated to pick it up later on. I've had a somewhat complicated opinion of the franchise over the years, but generally enjoyed them all. What follows is a brief history, devoid of spoilers, of the AC games as I see them.

THE CLASSIC ERA

I feel that the first couple games were new and original at the time of their release, setting a standard template that later games followed and (to an extent) refined:

1. Climb a tall thing, filling in part of the map as you look around at nearby objectives.
2. Complete a few formulaically interchangeable side quests to unlock a major assassination.
3. Assassinate the head villain of that region, unlocking the next area and driving the story forward.
4. Move on to the next region of the map to do it all again.

It's a fun formula, to be fair, but it wears thin after a while. The third game added gunpowder, but that didn't really shake much up. Black Flag (the fourth major release) brought some innovation back into the mix, with the addition of a pirate ship, but the franchise still felt old and well-trodden after so many repetitions. It needed something new.

THE RPG ERA

Assassin's Creed Origins (set in ancient Egypt), Odyssey (during the Peloponnesian War), and Valhalla (set in 9th Century Europe) belong in the newer generation of games. The core loop mentioned above is still there, but with a thick slurry of RPG elements added in that mixed them up and made them feel fresh. They also dipped heavier into fantasy than previous games, really leaning into the idea that ancient alien technology is responsible for much of modern legend and myth.

Maps were suddenly enormous. Your character now leveled up, allowing access to higher level areas with more powerful enemies. Vehicles (boats, mostly) played a bigger part in these games. Weapons and skills could be combined in new ways, so you could build a character (itself a new concept to the franchise) around something like fire damage, or attack speed. There were now actual (varied, unpredictable) quests, leading to surprising and interesting places. There were now a set of infinite, procedurally generated contract quests. Raid bosses. Mercenary rankings to climb. Customizable equipment. Rune stones. Crafting. It's a lot.

I like those 3 games a lot, but they also bloated up the pacing of what used to be 20-hour games to easily take more like 100 hours to complete. I haven't fully completed any of them, frankly, generally moving on after hitting about 80% of the non-story content.

ENTER MIRAGE

Mirage marks the 15th Anniversary of the Assassin's Creed franchise. Unlike previous entries in the series, the game features no “modern day” analog character. There's no Animus device involved at all, really - the story is entirely told within 9th century Baghdad. Your protagonist is even a familiar face, which makes sense as the game was originally planned as an expansion to AC Valhalla.

I can see why they spun it off as its own game though - in contrast with the 'RPG Era' games before it though, it very much feels like a love letter to the first game, which itself was set in the (geo-temporally similar) Holy Lands. Having played the first game extensively, it felt great to return to the region with new mechanics and a (much prettier) layer of modern polish. I have never really been that into remastered games, and very much prefer to see a new game pay homage to an old (as they did here) rather than see an old game return from the dead with new paint. I'll take originality over rehashing every damn time.

In keeping with that idea of honoring an earlier release, Mirage takes a step away from the RPG format entirely - you have a skill tree, but they all feel in theme with "be an assassin" and do more to improve the core gameplay loop than to replace it with different play strategies. 

The game also stays within the bounds of a single city, leaving it only for a few short narrative divergences. That sounds limiting, but I actually found it freeing - it meant I actually got to grow accustomed to certain parts of the map by revisiting them. I also felt that the roof-running pathing was the most polished I have seen in the franchise to date, something I credit to their reduced scope. Anyone who has played an AC game will recall various (generally brief) moments when they became stuck halfway up into a corner during a climb, unable to *quite* get the game to recognize they wanted to go *around* that corner. That awkwardness happens a lot less here. The city is incredibly dense, with potential paths that criss-cross around streets and rooftops very satisfyingly.

That said, Mirage is certainly a shorter game than the three (RPG Era) games before it. I personally liked that, but I also found those previous titles to be overly full of 'filler' spaces. As a player, I felt like I spent a lot of time wandering around large open maps in those titles, and less time "being an assassin." Game reviewer Yahtzee Croshaw (to my mind anyway) coined the term "Faffing About Creed" in reference to some of the earlier games - you can see that in original context (a 5 minute review of AC Brotherhood, which released between the 2nd and 3rd AC games) here. I can relate to his frustration with the franchises' tendency to pile errands and additional features into their games - and my point in mentioning it is that Mirage doesn't really do that. For once. Happily.

Mirage focuses the player on being an Assassin, and while there are side quests in the form of "Contracts," they feel less like filler content and more like a second chance to revisit a cool part of the map after the main story has moved on from it. The Contracts also each have a sort of challenge objective requested by the client - an optional caveat like "don't get detected" or "don't kill anyone" that gives you a profit vs convenience choice to either change your play style accordingly, or forego the bonus payout the challenge might have gotten you.

On a related note, Mirage also added (I don't recall them from earlier games, anyway) marksmen who will take (harmless) pot shots at your eagle buddy Enkidu when he flies too close, missing him unavailable while the threat remains. You can fix the problem by incapacitating those marksmen - I think it's a great mechanic. This redditor does not. However neat the mechanic might be, I still felt unexpectedly protective of my little birdo buddy, and would (to my wife's consternation) call out "Fuck you, asshole!" at the TV whenever an arrow arced out toward my bird. Fuck those guys.

Mirage has fewer tools and tricks to learn than some previous titles, for example there's no bow, grapple, or flying devices in the game. Instead you get a handful of useful, customizable standby tools that fit into the world and feel very in-character as an Assassin. You've got throwing knives, you've got sleep darts, you've got smoke bombs, and you've got some other neat tools - but really those three have always been my favorites anyway. You've also got a neat tag-and-murder system you can upgrade in the game, which allows you to instantly assassinate up to 5 nearby enemies, provided you're anonymous (nobody suspects you of anything) when you trigger it.

It took me about 60 hours (according to my PS5) to complete the last few trophies of the game. My cat helped, at one point. If you aren't going for 100% completion, you could probably complete the main story and most side of the side content in less than half of that time. I kind of dragged my feet toward the end, enjoying the references the game made (Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, Lovecraft's Necronomicon, etc) and soaking in the historical details about ancient Baghdad. If you take the time to read through that sort of thing, you too can learn in what ways camels were instrumental in the city planning of Baghdad! In the end, I was ready to move on about the same time the game was ready to stop telling stories, which worked out well.

My only real gripe about Mirage is also spoilery, so I'll avoid the bulk of that spoiler and simply say that I wish the NG+ mode of the game (unlocked after completing the story) allowed you to select a specific alternate protagonist character. That would have been rad; you'll figure out who I mean if you beat the game.

I would recommend Assassin's Creed: Mirage to anyone looking for a fresh AC game who has been intimidated by the scope of the recent RPG Era games above - this is it, and worth checking out. I give it eight bird-hating rooftop marksmen out of ten. Seriously, fuck those marksmen; they're the worst.